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Murky Tales of the Twentieth Century

Americans are already growing less sophisticated, with even comics fans buying reading matter based on the cup size (or butt size) of the heroine. With everyone else, including most comic book writers, losing the ability to speak and write English in sentences, SBC offers this SATIRICAL (note: this is satire. You know, like Hal Roth or Codename: Knockout) look into the future of the culture of that crazy country between L.A. and Manhattan:



Hello cityzins.

For todays' presentation we have bought you a bunch of cute student's writing's. They are being student's at the Dick Cheney Memorial Jr. Hi School at Lodi, OH. This was for they're History class they were writing essay's on there favoright folk hero. We are hopful that you will enjoy these. Thise student's worked so hard on tring to make there spellings and grammer like people's used to do in the 20th centry. Where then was onely 1 way too spell words. So hear they are.



Folk tales. Folk heroes are from folk tales they used to be called comic books. Now no one has them any more. Accept for the fanboys/fangirls underground but they are unlawful. Because the government outlawed all unlawful stories not made by this country's corporation. But the government declared that no you could still have fanfic about them because they are folk tales and that is folk art made by the people. It has cultural value. My favorite folk hero was Spider-Man. He was first written by Stan Lee. Spider-Man was a man who could morph into a spider. --Johnny Cellular1 Rineheart

Folk heros were cool. My favorite hero was Blade. He was great because he had 4 movies made out of him. He was a vampire slayer. He was biracial like every one is now but different. He fought the evil which back then was not terrorists but vampires. Being a vampire was a legendary disease like cancer. But Blade had it too. So that makes him great too. --Gwyneth Callista Sanchez.

My favorite folk hero was Superman. He met Seinfeld who was another folk hero. Superman fought Mohammed Ali at sports and Mohammed Ali won. Superman also met JFK. Superman's greatest superhuman ability was his X-Ray vision. His X-Rays could detect government bugs and cameras even hidden in the walls of his home and that's how he kept secret that he was Superman. Sometimes I think it would be cool to have X-Ray vision even though I know that would be unlawful because then students could hide things and students are not allowed to have the 2nd amendment until they graduate or drop out. Because if a student touches a gun he could go crazy and kill every one, as every one knows. --Steve Case Wu.

My favorite folk hero was Wonder Woman. She was made from silicon clay like the early computers. She was 9 feet tall and I know she was brown-skinned like me because she was made of clay and I have never seen white clay. There used to be classes you took in school called art classes where you made things out of clay. That was before the Clintons made us go broke. I know it was the Clinton's fault because the history books say so. I have heard that when Clinton was CEO that it was our most prosperous time but that was the old history books not the new ones. The new ones tell you that it is just a coincidence that after Bush won by his huge mandate landslide that the economy bombed. So we know today it is true. If Wonder Woman was not just a folk hero she would fly me to Paradise Island in her invisible space shuttle where there are some forests left. There would be wildlife there so that would be cool. --Death-To-Traitors Lynn Smith.

My favorite folk hero would be the Batman. He was a millionaire so even today he might be able to afford his own home. His amazing ability was that he was so brave that he could go out in the streets at night, after curfew, and though of course that wasn't safe he was so tough that the theifs were afraid of him. He was like a one-man Military Police force and he kept his city free from crime by sunrise. Of course then that made room for new theifs every night but he was ready. He even owned his own car and all the payments were paid off on it. It was bulletproof but back then most cars were not bulletproof so that gave him a big advantage. --Christian Angel Adamson

My favorite folk hero was Green Arrow. He was a hippie. He forgot to shave because he was a hippie. His most famous writer was some big movie guy who also forgot to shave. Green Arrow was a folk hero who lived many centurys ago, he robbed from the rich and gave from the poor. This created the 'middle class' which lasted until the end of the 20th century. If we had Green Arrow today then he could rob from the rich and give to the poor. Then he would be caught and his organs would be harvested. --Xena Merrill

Captain America was my favorite folk hero. He was a 'supervillain'. He was a military policeman fighting gang members in the 1930s when he was killed in a drive-by. He was brought back to life by the American Spectre and that's how he became Captain America. He had super powers and could sense when anyone was talking bad about the constitution and he would avenge it. He founded the Avengers with members like Shade the Changing Times and General Issue Joe and they fought homeless vagrants and protesters and Hitler and helped negotiate many gang truces. They helped recruit a lot of kids into gangs and to start new gangs because back then not every kid belonged to a gang so there were lots of kids with no sense of family values at all. --Britney Fassbinder