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WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT DARK SHADOWS (Part THREE): The Dark Shadows FAQ

It’s the Dark Shadows Frequently Asked Questions… list!

–WHY ARE SOME EPISODES IN BLACK AND WHITE? At first, it’s because they hadn’t started using color cameras yet. But then, some episodes can still only be watched by us in this century because they didn’t always save all the tapes of the color episodes—but they did save (almost) all of the black-and-white recordings of the shows. The easiest way to explain it is that they broadcast the show in color (once that started) on most stations. But some stations didn’t show Dark Shadows at the same time—for just one example, California is three hours behind New York (where the show was made) time-zone wise. So some stations would show a black-and-white recording of the show (oh well—not everyone had color televisions yet, so they’d hardly notice). So when no one saved a color copy of an episode, modern Dark Shadows viewers watch the black-and-white copy.

–“I HATE X CHARACTER—BECAUSE X CHARACTER IS SO MEAN//ANNOYING! WHEN WILL THEY GO AWAY?!?” This is a complex question because the answer depends on who we’re talking about. Let’s hit the most common characters that people say this about.

* Amy Jennings//Nora Collins: Played by the same actress, these two characters are played by the same child actress who turns into a giant blueberry in the Gene Wilder movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Her delivery of every line is kind of… Can You Hear Me In The Back Row? But 1. that actually makes her kind of perfect for Dark Shadows, and 2. the more you see of her characters, the more you should come to love her/them. I did.

* Reverend Trask/Any other dude named Trask. Mostly people say this because the characters named Trask (who are dudes) are so evil. But come on, sometimes you want a villain who’s fun to hate! I promise you that every dude named Trask will (spoiler alert!) come to a bad end.

* Pansy Faye. Except for her first episode, Pansy Faye is a dead woman who possesses Trask’s daughter (we think? It’s hard to be sure). Pansy Faye speaks with a Cockney accent (sort of). Pansy Faye has a song she likes to sing called “I’m Gonna Dance For You.” Some find her, and often her song, annoying. Barb and I love Pansy Faye, and we are also okay with her singing her song. When the chips are down, Pansy Faye is so brave trying to help Quentin that we forgive her everything. So if you don’t like her, try to just keep watching.

* Dr. Julia Hoffman. Okay, you are wrong not to like Julia. Julia is awesome. Give her time, see if she doesn’t grow on you. If you don’t like her hair (it’s a wig, and not a great one), then don’t worry—after we get back from 1795, she gets a short haircut (she stops wearing the wig), and it’s quite an improvement.

* Angelique. Many people super hate Angelique, not because she isn’t awesome, because she is kinda awesome, but because she’s so MEAN. Well, yeah, it’s true. She can be very cruel. But first of all, she’s a villainess (when she first shows up), and secondly, like Barnabas, she gets more likeable as time goes on. Just remember—everything bad Angelique does—killing people, turning them into cats, framing them for her own crimes– she thinks, at least, that she’s doing it because she loves Barnabas so much.

* Victoria Winters. Okay, you got me there. Some people like Vicky. Some don’t like her. I don’t like her. She says “I don’t understand” a lot and she’s… well, as time goes on, she is written as being less and less smart. I understand where you’re coming from in not having a lot of patience with her. Try to focus on how much Victoria you’ve already skipped over, if you start watching from where Barnabas shows up. HOWEVER! I also want to say– if you start at the beginning, you might LIKE Vicky! She’s certainly DESIGNED so that you’re supposed to like her! She’s the audience’s point-of-view character (for quite a while)! But if you do like her from the start… I warn you, you might be disappointed with how her character is written later on.

* Adam. Yeah, Adam’s pretty annoying and uninteresting in my personal opinion. If you feel the same, my advice is just SKIP ahead to the next scene each time Adam shows up, or else, you know, go get a snack or something until he’s no longer on screen. BUT maybe you’ll like watching Adam! Some people do!

* Willie Loomis: Willie Loomis is a character mostly played by an actor named John Karlen, and he’s very good. BUT the first actor to play Willie Loomis was some other guy. You won’t have encountered him if you started with Episode 210, but if you decided to try starting from the beginning of the whole show, and you hate Willie Loomis, I understand! Please just wait, and another actor will play Willie soon—and Willie’s gonna undergo a BIG personality change after he meets Barnabas. Meeting someone who’s way scarier than you are can be an extremely humbling experience.

* All characters played by actor Roger Davis:

***Peter Bradford: a jailer in 1795. Yeah, he’s annoying, but he’s paired with Victoria, so just go get a snack when they’re on screen.

***Jeff Clark: a guy who looks very suspiciously like Peter Bradford who shows up in the present-day: yeah, snack time.

***Ned Stuart: Brother of Sabrina Stuart. Just put up with him—he won’t be around very long at all.

***Dirk Wilkins: Dirk Wilkins IS annoying, you’re right. But SPOILER ALERT: eventually he’s going to become a crazy vampire, and funnily enough, he makes for an AWESOME crazy vampire! So enjoy!

***Charles Delaware Tate: You’re right, Charles Delaware Tate IS annoying, but he’s also got a very special magic power that’s kind of interesting, so try your best to put up with him, because one or two important things happen in connection with him—you can’t just completely skip his episodes. Go get a snack, or maybe a tasty beverage. Also, it helps to shout at the TV screen and change his middle name, such as “Hey look, it’s Charles New Mexico Tate!” and “Oh no, it’s Charles Rhode Island Tate!” Making him a game in this way helps me and Barb, so maybe it’ll help you, too.

A full moon.
“I’m afraid, Barnabas! I’m afraid of the moon!” What do you even say to a little girl who’s afraid of the moon (and who kinda has good reason for it)?

THINGS YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH:

–The Dream Curse: See previous post. Just do your best to ignore The Dream Curse, or skip ahead.

–Adam and Eve: See previous post. Yes, there’s an Eve, too. She’s less annoying than Adam, but not by a whole lot. If, like me, you find Adam and Eve annoying, just get through their storyline as best you can. Once each of them is finally gone, they don’t come back. (Although Eve’s actress plays a different and AWESOME character in 1897.)

–The Bleeder Valve: At one point, in The Beginning Episodes, before Barnabas, one character tries to harm another character by removing a “bleeder valve” from a car, thereby affecting the brakes. The removed bleeder valve becomes an important piece of evidence of sabotage, therefore—but not NEARLY as important as the huge fuss they make about it episode after episode after episode. You chose to watch The Beginning Episodes, you’re gonna have to put up with The Bleeder Valve, sorry.

–The Pen: Also, Roger owns a pen. It’s gold, and fancy. At one point, he loses it. The issue of whether or not he’s lost it at the scene of a crime—and whether or not someone could use it to FRAME him for being at the scene of a crime at the wrong time—becomes a much-discussed plot point—but not NEARLY as important as the huge fuss they make about it episode after episode after episode. You chose to watch The Beginning Episodes, you’re gonna have to put up with The Pen, sorry.

–Locking People Up: Sometimes, when we lock people up on Dark Shadows, it is dramatic and exciting. This is often the case with beloved character Maggie Evans. Sometimes, however, when we lock people up on Dark Shadows, it is super boring. This is often the case with Victoria Winters. This happened a lot in The Beginning Episodes, but it keeps happening a lot on and off throughout the show. There’s a lot to say about locking up a character. When it makes the plot stop happening, it’s really annoying. This is especially true because Victoria Winters is really bad at escaping from places. When beloved character Maggie Evans is locked up, it’s much more interesting—first of all, because there’s often a THREAT to her beyond just starving to death, so she needs to escape before her time runs out. Second of all, though, it’s because Maggie Evans is pretty consistently written as being smarter than Victoria Winters (especially the longer Victoria is on the show), so you’re like “if everyone would just leave her alone, I think Maggie might actually figure a way out of this in time!” Locking characters up is handy for the writers, because it slows down the plot and helps them by giving them time to figure out where the story should go next. You might think that they’ve written the whole plot for a year in advance, but that is NOT the case. And that’s good! Because it means that if they start going in a direction that people don’t like, they can change it quickly! One thing you have to understand is that from not-long after Barnabas showed up, to at least the end of 1897, Dark Shadows was HUGE. It was one of the HOTTEST SHOWS ON TELEVISION. Kids RAN home to watch Dark Shadows. EVERYONE knew who Barnabas Collins was. He made guest appearances on other TV shows! There were fans standing outside the studio to say hi to the actors as they went in and came out every day! They wanted autographs—but they would also talk about how the show was going! If they said “I think so-and-so should happen next,” the writers (sometimes) listened to that! So locking characters up and/or trapping them somewhere—which happens for many different reasons—is a big important deal. But sometimes it’s annoying—especially when it’s Victoria Winters, and arguably especially in The Beginning Episodes—so you’re just going to have to accept that, and move on.

–Bloopers: As I’ve said before, Dark Shadows has bloopers. People will mess up on a line and just keep going. Sometimes a fly will sneak in the front door of the studio and will want to land on an actor’s face. You’ll see people looking off-stage so they can read their next line off a teleprompter there, and they’re not at all always sneaky about that. Sometimes someone in the studio will make a noise off-stage that the actors just have to ignore. One time there was a fire in the studio and they just kept doing the scene while they noisily put it out. There’s a “boom mike” overhead that is a microphone that helps make sure you can hear the actors—but sometimes they accidentally let you see its shadow on the wall—or you just see the actual microphone swoop down onto the top of the screen for a second! Things that should be very sturdy can almost fall over (sometimes smaller things do actually fall over)! Other things can happen! Special effects don’t look as good as they’d hoped! But you have to understand that this is all part of watching Dark Shadows. It’s okay to laugh, but you also have to just accept that this is like a long play that they filmed, and not like you’re used to television working in this century. (Nor even the end of the last century, for that matter.) Sometimes, Dark Shadows is so scary, it feels good when you see the boom mike, because it reminds you “Psst! Don’t get TOO scared! This is just make-believe! It’s okay!”