Working All Day, Fighting Crime All Night

I'm very tired but now it's time for vacation. I plan to write a nice hefty column over vacation so you'll have it next time, but I'm up all day teaching classes and then up all night fighting crime in the red-and-blue spandex, so forgive me, but school stuff and not enough sleep wears a man out. Also I think I'm fighting off some slight sickness still, and my ability to wall-crawl goes down at such times as we all know from Amazing #28 (I'm just guessing. Wouldn't it be cool if my silver-age knowledge was really that encyclopedic? No, actually it wouldn't, would it? Fighting off sickness also impairs perception of the line between coolness and obsession [Wait, there it is, right between love and madness... Obsession]).

So it is, temporarily I assure you, more cliches with which to while away your column-reading time, although I left you some extra unopened presents down at the bottom under the cliche tree.

I've tried to fill in the blanks Barb left myself, I think it looks better than an underscored blank space. I think I'll try to go with "Abe" unless I need something exotic, in which I'll go with "Timrek" (Old Park and Nathan joke: "Timrek the Gorf, godslayer" except I changed it, below, to Frogslayer for comic effect). All parentheses on the cliche tree are Barb's.

Then, the world will tremble at the name Timrek!

From this day on, I shall be known as... Frogslayer!

Abe was killed for that thing!

Time for you to join them/him/her. (meaning joining them/him/her in death, that is)

How could you let this happen?

I/we hold you responsible.

I don't trust him/I trust him not.

Why do these things always happen to ME?

How can I ever repay you?/Oh, I'm sure you'll/I'll think of SOMETHING.

Hmph! Don't FLATTER yourself!

Stay still/stay very very still.

It's/that's my BABY!

I can't believe you guys!

Oh, I was so worried about you!

I've made up my mind/my mind's made up.

I'll go with you/No, you stay here.

Hold it right there!

Oh, that's just PERFECT! (said sarcastically, obviously)

Come alone/I have to come/go alone.

We'll see about THAT!

Get back! You'll be killed!

It seems Timrek is more powerful than I thought.

Abe, you're OKAY! I thought you were dead!

Clearly, I have underestimated you!

We need to make some kind of diversion.

Seems like/Just like old times.

You don't know who you're messing with.

Why don't you pick on someone your own size?

So, you are the one known as the Frogslayer.

You should know that, more than anyone.

What do you think you're DOING?!?

Timrek's powers have no effect on him.

I'm not beat yet.

Well, that was easy/Tooo easy.

You're...hurt/It's just a scratch.

He's/She's in a bad place right now.

It's been a long time/You haven't changed at all

It was surprisingly easy.

Oh, no, I don't THINK so!

Not gonna happen.

What else you got?/That all you got?

There's too many (of them) to fight (stating the bleeding obvious, to paraphrase Basil Fawlty)

Something HAPPENED.

You look like you've seen a ghost.

This isn't your fight/battle.

This isn't easy for me (to say).

You could have been KILLED (as if the person nearly dying didn't know that)

I hope we're doing the right thing.

Don't ASK!

Something's coming down.


Does it hurt? Good.

Abe, TRUST me (usually said when the person ISN'T trustworthy)

Uh oh, Mom and Dad are fighting again...

We can't wait for that/for help!

Just try not to get in the way.

It's okay, I WANT to do this.

You did GOOD.

You have/you've got a better idea?

Do you think anything could have survived?/Nothing could have survived THAT.

I am so proud of you right now (usually said after the person has done something very sneaky, illegal, or otherwise underhanded)

You wouldn't DARE (inevitable response: Oh, wouldn't I? Just watch me)

You don't want to do this/that.

Date from Hell (date, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc)

What part of NO don't you understand?

No! Never! Not in a million years! (and then, we see the person doing what he/she said he/she wouldn't, but he/she is grumbling under his/her breath as he/she does it. A staple of comic book cliche humor).

It begins/it has begun.

You have no power over me.

It's/he's/she's HERE...

It's ME you/they/he/she want/wants.

Don't let go! (the inevitable response is: I can't hold on any longer/my hand is slipping)

I'm forever in your debt. (A simple thank you would probably be enough)

You're safe now/it's all over now (often said when that isn't the case and the monster is getting up again for another shot at whupping the other person's ass).

What could possibly go wrong?

Greetings, old friend.


So you need my help, eh?/Why should I help you?/What's in it for me?

All right, that's IT you guys.

Beg for your life! (the person in danger of getting killed never does beg, so why ASK?)

I'll do it, no matter how you try and stop me.

You can't run from me forever.

You can run but you can't hide.

She's/he's gonna be FINE.

Now's not a very good time for me.

Stop LYING to me!

It's your call.

What did you DO to her?

What's that in English?


Why would you do this to her?

You're WEAK.

Nothing personal/It's nothing personal.

Let's not get excited.


I am good/God, I'm good.

That's gotta hurt/that'll leave a mark.


Prepare to die.

On to other business: DVD reviews!

THE PROFESSIONAL and WASABI: Director/writer Luc Besson is a genius and so is Jean Reno (aka that French guy from Ferris Bueller vs. Godzilla). The Professional features Jean Reno as an Italian hitman who sort of adopts muppet-baby-version Natalie Portman when her family is blown away by crooked cops. She's glad to be rid of the adults but her little brother died too. Overacting ham Gary Oldman (hey, it's true in this movie, anyway) or Natalie on camera without Jean in the frame are the worst parts of the movie, but you don't have to put up with too much of Mr. Oldman and Miss Portman actually acts some in this film. She overacts a tiny little bit at times, but that's better than the way she underacts-slash-just-plain-stinks in Star Wars II. Come see the vessel in which Natalie apparently poured out a lifetime's worth of talent and enjoy the lovable Jean Reno. Warning: this movie has an ending that is both satisfying and sad. Do I mean bittersweet? No, there's not all that much sweetness, just sadness, but it's satisfying.

Wasabi, on the other hand, is a cute and happy movie. Jean Reno is actually French this time. He's a French cop with fists like piledrivers who punches first and asks questions later, unless he can get others to ask questions later for him. However, he gets a call from Japan. The love of his life, who disappeared on him almost 20 years ago, is dead. He comes to pay his last respects and learns that the will has left the daughter he never knew he had in his care. She needs care, too, because there's a lot of money in Mom's bank account that the daughter will have access to in a couple of days when she becomes old enough (apparently 20 is the 'of age' age there) and there are gangsters after her (although she doesn't know this, nor the fact that Jean is her dad, for quite a while). Comic relief, guns and lots of a cute girlie who's like Dharma and Ed from Cowboy Bebop rolled into one. We give it 4 thumbs up-- oh! Except that you MUST WATCH IN IT IN FRENCH WITH ENGLISH SUBTITLES. The English dubbing is very bad and you would miss Jean's pleasant rumble/voice. Yes, this is vaguely comic-book related because you probably know lucky Luc Besson from THE FIFTH ELEMENT, which we haven't seen yet. Barb just likes French films with a lot of guns.