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  • “Guidance Counseling” — A Dark Shadows Story

    “Guidance Counseling” — A Dark Shadows Story

    Carolyn Stoddard Hawkes stared into the fire of the drawing room.

    My father is dead, she thought. My husband is dead. But no one cares but me. My mother has gone on with her life, which isn’t surprising, since she and Father separated years ago. My uncle doesn’t care, because he never liked my father nor my husband. Cousin David doesn’t care, because he’s so young—at that age, everything is about him. Cousin Barnabas is too busy spending time with Dr. Hoffman to care, whatever it is that those two do together… Cousin Quentin is too busy dating whoever he’s dating right now to care… Isn’t family supposed to care when someone’s grieving?

    She barely noticed when her uncle Roger came into the room and poured himself a brandy.

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  • OFFICE WORKERS SAVING THE WORLD: DAI-GUARD

    OFFICE WORKERS SAVING THE WORLD: DAI-GUARD

    Park: Okay so what happened was that our internet went out yesterday. Spectrum– and by the way, we’ll be switching to Google Fiber in less than a week because of this, because it’s been happening more and more– Spectrum gave us unstable and then totally missing internet. Well, we played board games a little, but… for some time, I had been planning to re-watch the anime Dai-Guard, because we own the complete show on DVD. Back when Barb and I were in charge of a website called MangaLife, we reviewed things, and so companies would send us manga and DVDs to review. One such company was ADV, based out of Houston, and one such thing they sent us was the anime Dai-Guard. And Dai-Guard is really good in my opinion, but the funny thing is, it’s from the turn of the century (1999, adapted to English in 2002), so when Barb and I watched it, we were comparatively new to all this. Partly because of this: Dai-Guard holds up REALLY well!

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  • A Dark Shadows Story: “Barnabas Collins and the Queen of Swords”

    A Dark Shadows Story: “Barnabas Collins and the Queen of Swords”

    In a room in the basement of the Old House, Barnabas Collins pushed open the lid of his coffin.

    To his surprise, he found, cleverly tied to the side of the lid with twine, a tarot card.

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  • “I” Is Another: Barb And Park Talk About First-Person Narration

    “I” Is Another: Barb And Park Talk About First-Person Narration

    Park: Earlier today, Barb and I were talking about the craft of first-person narration… so, I thought it might be a good topic for a post. So I begin, now, by asking Barb: Who is the best writer you’ve read as far as first-person narration?

    Barb: The first person that comes to mind is Raymond Chandler…

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  • A Dark Shadows Story: “Go Back To Your Grave”

    A Dark Shadows Story: “Go Back To Your Grave”

    ~~~~~~~~~~

    (Author’s Note: Technically, Jeremiah Collins is arguably some sort of zombie/ghost hybrid on Dark Shadows.

    However, I decided to make him more specifically a ghost, because if the characters saw a zombie, they’d probably try to do something about it, like—at the very least—calling Professor Stokes. Since the show gave me enough wiggle room concerning Jeremiah’s corporeality, I chose to make him a wandering spirit who can no longer be seen by the living.)

    ~~~~~~~~~~

    Jeremiah was in the drawing room, sitting dejectedly by the fire.

    Roger Collins and Elizabeth Collins Stoddard were arguing about some business decision Roger wished to make. “Roger,” said Elizabeth, “I am the head of this household, as well as the head of the Collins business empire, so what I say goes. This discussion is at an end.”

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  • What Would Barb Watch?

    What Would Barb Watch?

    Park: Okay so recently someone in my feed said: “I’m feeling a little out of it and I want to binge-watch something, recommendations?” And I hated all the recommendations, except for old Bugs Bunny cartoons. So… I mean, we, ourselves, have recently done old Bugs and Daffy cartoons, and they were still great. But they’re short, so watching the best of them only gets you so far…

    Barb: Okay– recommendations for binge watching: Number one: Backstairs at the White House.

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  • A Dark Shadows Story: The Stuff Nightmares Are Made Of

    A Dark Shadows Story: The Stuff Nightmares Are Made Of

    Tony Peterson sat in his law office in Bangor, Maine, thinking about how far he’d come in such a short period of time. I went from trying to sue the Collins family for a worker’s injury—and lost— he thought, to moving to Bangor and starting over again with this practice. The clients kept pouring in, as if by magic…

    Tony shuddered a bit at the word magic. He did not want to think about Cassandra Collins, and the love spell she’d put on him to bend him to her will…

    He was shaken out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. “It’s open,” he called.

    Tony’s secretary Effie came in with a package. “Today’s post had something unusual in it,” she said. “There’s no return address, but the name on the package just says ‘Cassandra…’”

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  • Forged in Craft

    Forged in Craft


    Park: Okay so today Barb and I are going to discuss our new binge-watching show that isn’t 1966’s DARK SHADOWS: a little show called FORGED IN FIRE. Forged in Fire seems like a sort of reality show//contest show, and in some ways it is– but not like the others of its kind. Forged in Fire is about blacksmiths making knives and swords. Each round we eliminate one of 4 guys that we start with– last guy gets 10 thousand dollars. …But it’s so much better than that even makes it sound!

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  • A Dark Shadows Story: “Period of Adjustment”

    A Dark Shadows Story: “Period of Adjustment”

    Dr. Julia Hoffman was surprised to see Willie Loomis sitting in front of the Old House. He looked worried. “Willie, is everything all right with Barnabas?” she asked.

    “Yeah,” said Willie, “I wouldn’ let anythin’ happen t’ Barnabas… But everythin’ isn’ all right with me.”

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  • Crossover: Avengers and West Wing

    Crossover: Avengers and West Wing

    Park’s Dream Journal: 6/24/2023

    I had a dream last night…

    The intersection of two great entertainment franchises: AVENGERS and THE WEST WING.

    COLD OPEN: President Bartlett is getting ready to have a big conference– in a building in downtown New York– great minds– scientists, doctors, philosophers, even a thinly-veiled version of whoever former president Jimmy Carter is in the West Wing universe. 

    The secret service and S.H.I.E.L.D. are begging President Bartlett to get superheroes for security, he says no. They beg and plead with him to compromise– maybe JUST Iron Man? He says no. “If we get Iron Man, all Iron Man’s enemies will decide it’s the perfect time to attack. No, I’ve got a different compromise.”

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